who i am vs who am i

There is a song from a few years back, stored somewhere in the endless abyss of my brain that goes something like this:

I want someone to love me

For who I am

I want someone to need me

Is that so bad  (thank you Nick Jonas for these lyrics)

Sixteen year old me was immediately appealed to this song because 

a) Nick Jonas

and 

b) Nick Jonas  I just wanted someone to understand all of my angst and awkwardness...

...while in reality I had someone, God, who knew everything and everyone who would come and go in my life over the past six (plus) years that I have looked to for validation while I should have been looking right at Him. It is just now in the prime of my twenties that I have finally began to understand who I am as a Christian, a woman of faith and as a wife. It is just in the past six months that I have began consciously seeking God's counsel in my life, and man has He began to show me the light at the end. 

My whole life I have always looked outwards for validation. Questions I would frequently ask myself included: What do they think of my pants size, hair, grades, life goals and the list goes on. In a world where Facebook was introduced at my peak  of adolescence sensitivity I felt the need to get "likes" on everything. 

Matthew 6:24 states: “You can’t worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you’ll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can’t worship God and Money both." (MSG). 

Money can be interpreted into any of those things on my list as well as yours. Easily translated- we need to be living to be approved by God and not the world. The world has nothing to offer that is worth giving up a relationship with God. Where are we looking to find our own sources of worth? There is no person, place or thing that will provide that to you. Only God.  

Which is why I have started this blog. Through the grace of God I have been inspired to share my experiences with self-esteem and self- doubt. I have discovered that I am beautifully made in his eyes and that every single thing that has happened to me in my life has a reason and purpose in the end. My life, as yours, is a beautifully written book with the ending yet to come.